Sickipedia

Using only a .22 pistol I survived a grizzly bear attack. My friend, who I shot in the knee, wasn't so lucky.

Do you know what separates us from the animals? The English Channel.

A transgender person tried to tell me a joke. "Knock, knock." "Who's there/they're/their?," I asked.

Having pets has made my daughter learn about old age and death. My Rottweiler killed her granny.

My son has the same colour eyes as my wife. Neither of them has learnt to duck when they piss me off.

I asked some African Americans what material I should use to make Black Lives Matters t-shirts. They picked cotton.

They say that one out of every four people has the potential to be a serial killer. So I killed three of my close friends. I should be safe now.

"I'm tired of people telling me what I should do," I said to my wife. "I'm just going to tell them to fuck off." "You should try be nicer and see things from their point of view," she replied. "Fuck off," I said.

I think my mate is going to leave his job at BMW. Even though he hasn't given any indication he will.

I told my gorgeous blonde patient that she was pregnant. "How is that possible?," she asked, "I came in for a minor operation." "It's a side effect of the anaesthetic," I replied.