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I wander around the Scottish Highlands with my dog and drink whisky.
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Scotland
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Using only a .22 pistol I survived a grizzly bear attack. My friend, who I shot in the knee, wasn't so lucky.
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I'm fucking livid that my daughter's Paki boyfriend got the shit kicked out of him by two racists. I paid for three.
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I've opened a restaurant for the sole use of Native Americans. You can't get a table unless you have a reservation.
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A lot of people say superheroes don't exist. Well, I've never seen Invisible Man. If that's not proof, I don't know what is!
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My favourite pickup line is, "I have a knife and a penis." Their reaction decides which I'll stick in them.
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I've been clean for a week now. However, I'm going to have to get out the bath now because I've run out of drugs.
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Don't you hate it when you've got a blocked nose and there's a whistle in it? I know the ref who sent me off does.
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