Sickipedia

This transvestite activist group has been holding me captive so long now that it's become second nature for me to wear a dress. I've got Frockholm Syndrome.

Southport child killer Axel Rudakubana set to appeal his 52 year sentence. "It's a disgraceful miscarriage of justice but I'm confident we can get him off," said his lawyer, Keir Starmer QC.

High-fives to the guy acquitted of masturbation on a bus!! I never thought he'd pull it off.

California Screaming.

I've given the Assisted Dying bill a great deal of thought, and on balance don't think I'm in favour of euthanasia on demand. I'm all for killing the old farts, I just don't think they should have a choice.

I sent my mate a photo of my girlfriend laying naked on my bed. "Feel like popping round and giving me a hand with this?" I texted. "Fucking hell mate!!!" he texted back immediately. "Too right I do, I'll be there in five minutes." That's a relief, because I don't think I could carry her body out to the car alone.

I asked my wife in the car on the way to Tesco whether she'd remembered her Bag For Life, and she just glared at me. She's so easy to wind up since the colostomy.

Could we have a little more respect for Ellie Goldstein, please? It's not her fault she was born with a condition held in such scorn and contempt. And on top of being Jewish, she's also got Downs Syndrome.

90pcrecycledmaterial wasn't the only one disappointed by Halle Berry's film of Catwoman. I watched it myself, for the reported sky-high body count. Turned out to be mainly sparrows.

Heard someone say I had a face like the back end of a bus. I just went past him without stopping.