Sickipedia

Thought for the day. Wouldn't this be great? The annual Sickipedia drinks party, attended by a camp bloke dressed like John Inman accompanied by his similarly attired partner, Ducky. Followed by a henpecked anti-vaxxer, his thirty stone wife, plus a young lad in a pink bunny suit and a teenage feminist militant wearing a "Lesbians Unite" t-shirt. And the real Lee Mack.

I went into the office and asked "where's the fastest copier we have?" "I'm over here," said hannah.

Perhaps we should rename it the Labia Party. Because it's led by a cunt.

It's a little known fact that John Lennon was a lifelong campaigner for exorcism.

Why do the papers always report the bad news and never the good? Ok, so Sarah Everard's dead. But I've yet to read one story about what a great time the bloke had.

My new scouse girlfriend has been coyly hinting that she wants a proper visit from Santa, like when she was a kid. So I got up at three in the morning, crept into the lounge, stole all her presents and shat on the floor. Merry Christmas, sickipedians 😘😁

A paedophile squirrel called Glenn Used to chase little girls, now and then He was noncing on Tor But got caught by the law Now he's in, getting fucked by old men.

How do you make a Black Russian? Get the BBC to remake Dr Zhivago.

Fair play to the mothers of Trent Alexander-Arnold, Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Shaun Wright-Phillips. At least they narrowed the possible fathers down to two.

Whenever I hear La Vida Loca, I think how lucky Ricky Martin was that his bird's skin happened to be "the colour mocha". Because no other colour would have rhymed.