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A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticide. He holds up a box and asks the store manager, “Is this stuff good for beetles?” The manager replies, “No, it’ll kill ’em.”

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My annual Xmas joke When Jesus was born he weighed 12lbs 10 oz They knew that coz they had away in a manger

Is there going to be any Black friday deals on Gems.

My six year old daughter is just like her mum.. Glass jaw and can’t take a fucking punch 🤣

Blind man walks into a supermarket swinging his guide dog round his head Shop assistant asks " hi, can i help you mate " Blind man bellows " no thank you, i'm just having a look around "

Hero who disarmed Bondi Beach Muslim terrorist named as Ahmed al Ahmed, also a Muslim. Well done that man! Hopefully he'll never have to buy another drink.

If my life was a movie, it would have be directed by Alan Smithee."

When Trump ended his first term as President, he initially refused to build a presidential library, however it appears that he did indeed have one constructed at his home in Florida. Unfortunately it was burgled last week and and both his books were stolen ! The sad thing is, he hadn’t finished colouring in either book.

Chris Rea - Fool if you think it's over. It is now.