Sickipedia

Swiss lawmakers have urged prosecutors to assess whether gold gifts received by Donald Trump broke the country’s anti-bribery laws. Just as well they're only plastic fixtures from Home Depot sprayed with gold paint, then.

My sister held one of those 'gender reveal' parties when she was pregnant. She popped the balloons, and the glitter was pink. In hindsight she should've gone with blue, as her daughter was stillborn.

In the wake of Charlie Kirk's assassination, I'm sending thoughts and prayers. I thought it was really funny, and I'm praying the Nazi cunt went straight to Hell.

The Indian bloke next door got fed up with my racist jibes, so he invited me round to his family barbecue to 'break down barriers'. I've got to admit, I was pleasantly surprised. Lots of great food, booze, dancing and chat, and then to top it off, the eldest son got down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend! Kind of put a damper on it though, when she said 'no' and he threw acid in her face.

A dyslexic bloke wanks into a bra...

Addict who blew £1.5 million gambling on Betfair sues company to get his money back. I hope he wins his case. He'll be able to make some awesome bets on Paddy Power for a few weeks.

Donald Trump really hates PC. Probably because he's a ra_ist.

Jimmy Kimmel's TV show has been suspended indefinitely, after failing to show sufficient respect for Charlie Kirk, the Patron Saint of Wilful Ignorance, to appease all those First Amendment enthusiasts out there. Well, before he got smoked, ol' Kirky there was a firm supporter of both the First and Second Amendments. I'd just like to say that the occasional dead right-wing gobshite is a price well worth paying, if it means Americans can keep their guns. You know, to defend themselves against a tyrannical Government, were one of those ever to emerge...

It's been revealed that the suspect in Charlie Kirk's murder isn't a lefty after all, but a far-right 'Groyper'. Donald Trump ought to go easy on him, after all Trump is a far-right groper.

Tyler Robinson, eh? Wonder if he's any relation to Andy?