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About Me
I wander around the Scottish Highlands with my dog and drink whisky.
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Scotland
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My girlfriend found out that I was an organ trafficker. "How can you do that," she yelled. "You don't have a heart!" "I've got four actually," I replied.
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Do you know what separates us from the animals? The English Channel.
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I can feel the hamster crawling back down towards my anus. Imagine his surprise when he finds his exit is blocked by a tramp's tongue.
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My girlfriend has the same name as my mum, which is quite handy when we're fucking. I don't have to worry about accidently calling out my girlfriend's name.
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As I was paying at the till, she asked, "Would you like a bag for that?" "No," I replied, as I put the goldfish in my pocket.
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I turned off the light and snuggled under the duvet but I still didn't get any sleep. Fucking ships crashing into the rocks.
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I don't like seeing people die. I want to watch them keep on suffering.
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My wife was upset about being fat. "Keep your chin up," I said, "otherwise it looks like you've got three and it's disgusting."
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I've opened a restaurant for the sole use of Native Americans. You can't get a table unless you have a reservation.
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Hi! To ensure that this is a great place for everyone to have a wondeful time, we have some rules. Breaking them might result in a suspension or permanent ban from the site.
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