Sickipedia

Just remember, if you ever feel depressed and want to die, you're not alone. There's probably others that also want you to die.

My work recently upgraded their systems and my manager wants me to be tech support for it. Which I found incredibly odd considering I don't even have an Indian accent.

The best thing about being HIV Positive is that I can honestly tell up and coming influencers that they'll go viral if they fuck me.

A lot of people were complaining that there was a woman breastfeeding in public, so I had no choice but to stand up for her. I couldn't get a good view sitting down.

Rather than insult others, I make jokes aimed at myself. I have over 200 jokes about shitting my pants. I'm the master of self-defecating humour.

After being released from court, the judge told me I'll permanently be on "the list". Jokes on them, Santa's not even real!

I don't understand how guys react to girls who reject them like "Fuck you bitch, I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet." I like to make girls feel more positive if they reject me. I'll say something like "It's all good. I'm likely destined to be a serial killer and/or rapist anyways. Hope you find your match!" You know, make them feel good about themselves for dodging a bullet!

The doctor who took care of my mother during her final days in the hospital was pretty hot and I'd like to ask her out. At least she knows I don't live with my mum.

Stayed at a hotel that offered a morning meal. Was delicious but I pissed and shit my pants hours later without realizing. Last time I ever sign up for an incontinental breakfast.

I got an email saying that there were charges of £550 from my bank account and to give my information to put that money back on my card. My friend said it was a scam. I checked my bank account and had neither outstanding nor pending charges. That means I'll be making a profit of £550! So who's getting scammed now?