Sickipedia

Cars have too many gadgets these days. I was reversing my car and it started playing a video of someone getting run over by a car.

I masturbated so good last night that when I woke up this morning, my dick was in the kitchen making me breakfast.

I went to a bar today and ordered a White Russian. They gave me a picture of Donald Trump.

When I got home I found a note from my wife saying she had gone out for a few drinks with her mates and that she had left me some dinner that just needed reheating. As soon as I shut the door on the microwave and set the timer to 3 minutes I heard her come crashing through the front door pissed out of her face, she stumbled into the kitchen and demanded sex right there. After some foreplay, I fucked her over the kitchen table and we ended up spooning on the floor out of breath and sweating. "Wow, you've never lasted that long before," she giggled. As I lay there with a smug grin on my face and feeling like a sex god, there was a sudden 'PING' from the microwave and my dinner was ready!

Someone threw a beer at Donald Trump during a rally. He's OK, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None. Trump says it's done and they all cheer in the dark.

Did you know that a Blue whale's vagina is so wide and deep that 4 to 5 people can fit inside? This makes it the world's second biggest cunt after Donald Trump.

Given that tickling yourself doesn't work the same as someone else tickling you, we really got lucky with masturbation.

Breaking News: Teens caught vaping behind Sistine Chapel accidentally elect new Pope.

We're all suffering because one giant dick was born with a tiny dick.