Sickipedia

Melania: "I got into the USA on an Epstein visa." Trump: "It was an Einstein visa." Melania: "Who's Einstein?"

Me: "During a camping trip, I outran a grizzly bear." My friend: "That's bullshit, you can't outrun a grizzly bear" Me: " I know, I just had to outrun my fat wife".

I was going to dress up as a 'Trump Supporter' for Halloween, but my head wouldn't fit up my ass.

A wife had been nagging her husband for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat of their toilet. He finally got around to doing it while she was out. After finishing, he went to the local pub. While he was out, his wife came home, and she needed to use the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry varnish had glued her arse to the toilet seat. She angrily called her husband, and he rushed home to help her. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, he undid the toilet seat bolts, wrapped a sheet around her, and they drove to the local hospital. The Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.) She tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before?." The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of arses. I've just never seen one mounted and framed."

Generals gathered in their masses, just to listen to two dumbasses. They were told to clap and to be kind, They said, "Trump is out of his fucking mind"

Trump speaking to his doctor: "My eyes hurt every time I try to touch Melania" Trump's doctor: "It's probably the pepper spray."