Sickipedia

Don't believe what you see in the cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a wet toilet plunger, it won't stick to someone's face. Ask my angry wife if you don't believe me.

I was asked to be a last-minute substitute teacher for a sex education class for middle schoolers. I walked in holding a banana to demonstrate how to put on a condom. I told the kids that I couldn't get an erection on an empty stomach as I ate the banana and pulled down my pants.

The cases against Comey and James went down faster than Donald on Bubba.

Satan is sitting on his throne in Hell, going through his mail. Satan says, “DAMN, another Christmas letter from a thick, DYSLEXIC, asshole.”

I guess we are going to get the Epstein files in 28 days, but it's a missed opportunity. It would be more fun if they did it like an Advent calendar, and every day we would get a new pedophile, and on the last day we would get Trump.

Members of the MAGA Animal Rights Society broke into a turkey farm and escaped with 5000 turkeys. A spokesman for the society said, "We will be releasing the birds back into the wild just as soon as they finish defrosting."

I thought that when Zohran Mamdani visited Trump in the Oval Office, a UFC fight would break out. Instead, we got Brokeback Mountain.

Trump may not pardon the Thanksgiving turkeys this year. The turkeys are having a difficult time raising the 2 million dollars that Trump demands for a pardon.

My obese parrot died yesterday. Sad, I know, but it’s a huge weight off my shoulder.

Sure, you can get your wife jewelry or an expensive purse or even an expensive bottle of perfume for Christmas, but she will NEVER forget the Christmas you got her a new mop, NEVER!!