Sickipedia

I just heard the fantastic news, Kate Garraway is single again.

My son was telling me about his history class yesterday about how all the African slaves were emancipated. As I said to my son, why don't they just add fibre to thier diet or eat a few prunes , that will solve the problem.

Was playing a game of Genocide bingo earlier. Nearly got a full 10 points for an entire family wiped out, but one of the young lads survived and I only got a nine pointer. I wonder what the Israeli psychopaths have in store for the Gaza population tomorrow?

The new Conservative Party advent calendar this year can only be sold to over 18's. That's because there are pictures of cunts, dicks and tits behind each door.

I was able to help Boris Johnson remember the PIN code for his mobile phone. I reminded him if was the birthday of one of his kids. Simple really.

More News on The Philip Scofield Grooming Scandal. One of his victims, Gordon the Gopher has come out and spoken to the press. "Yes, the rumours are true, I was groomed by Philip Scofield on several occasions, normally it started when I had knotted fur and he would take out his massive brush and start stroking me repeatedly, I quite enjoyed the attention at the start, it made me feel special, my fur felt silky smooth, but now that I know he did this for his own sexual gratification I feel so used, I would ask all family pets to be wary of grooming services offered by their owners"

Police have issued a yellow warning in Eastbourne, Sussex earlier today. A bus load of Chinese tourists are on their way last seen heading for the beach.

There is always to sides to any story. The Russians have claimed earlier today to have launched a Hypersonic Missile striking fear into Ukrainians and NATO Allies as this enormous projectile flies at high speeds through the sky. Meanwhile in the UK, the Sun reported that Katie Price's favorite dildo has gone missing.

I decided to undertake a series of tests to identify the ethnic background of my family. Our PH Tests came back as 7 which is Neutral, that really pissed of my Dad, as he has been telling everyone our ancestors were acidic Jews.

I was in the Vets yesterday and I got out my enormous glistening cock right in front of the beautiful blonde assistant in the surgery. She said to me, "that's definitely bird flu, keep him in doors and given him these tablets every day for a week"