Sickipedia

We’ve just had a Sunday League cup tie against a team from the local quarry. We beat them 2-1 on aggregate.

"Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" "Not Wally" - Where's Wally? (Audiobook)

I was doing a spot of gardening yesterday when I noticed some of my flowers had died. As a mark of respect, I went out and tied a member of my family to a lamppost.

Do I like porn? Does a bear shit in a Japanese schoolgirl's mouth?

After a few beers on the way home, I walked into the house, smiled at the wife and asked, "Fancy a tipple?" She looked at me in disgust. "I don't want a drink and you've had quite enough." "No, love." I replied, "I said: Did you fancy a tipple?" Then I pushed the fat cunt over.

Rishi Sunak has vowed to create a million new jobs if he gets reelected for a new term as Prime Minister. Too right. Those food banks won't run themselves, will they?

Vladimir Putin says a ceasefire should "remove the underlying causes of this crisis". So he’s going to have himself shot, then?

My wife said: "I'm going to eat a panini for lunch today." I replied, "Don't touch any of my fucking stickers."

I don't know why there is such a fuss over aerated concrete in schools at the moment. I remember being served it on a daily basis in the school canteen.

Tommy Robinson was asked to leave a London restaurant after staff felt “uncomfortable” about serving him. A spokesman for the restaurant said it had nothing to do with his political beliefs and it was just because he was a cunt.