Sickipedia

Tommy Robinson was asked to leave a London restaurant after staff felt “uncomfortable” about serving him. A spokesman for the restaurant said it had nothing to do with his political beliefs and it was just because he was a cunt.

Jilly Cooper has died at the age of 88 following a fall. She fell into the arms of the Grim Reaper. His bony arms belied his strength as he cradled her like a timorous kitten. His eye sockets like unplumbed depths held her mesmerised as she felt her former life dropping away to be replaced by a hunger, a need, to be with him for all eternity. He leaned in as she arched her neck ready to receive his kiss. The kiss of Death. The kiss of Life. The only kiss that would ever matter to her again.

I went to Bangladesh yesterday. But Ladesh wasn't in so I banged her sister Kishana instead.

I’m not saying that the owners of Tottenham Hotspur are Jewish but they’ve just sacked Ange Postecoglu after being forced to pay out player bonuses for winning a trophy.

What is the country coming to? Good quality porn, probably.

Princess Diana was killed when the car she was a passenger in crashed in a tunnel in Paris. This makes her the first recorded fatality from carpool tunnel syndrome.

The owners of Poundland confirm that they have sold the business for one pound. That’s fucking brand dedication for you.

If Nigel Farage is supposed to be such a racist, how come his attendance record is the same as a black father?

Sadiq Khan is poised to implement Sinatra Law in London. Start spreading the news.

I’ve just been visiting the Netherlands and wanted to get a true feel for the history of the local area. So I paid for a little Dutch boy to stick his finger in a dyke.