Sickipedia

I've just tried Meghan Markle's raspberry jam. It just tasted of sour grapes to me.

Due to the powerful earthquake that rocked Myanmar and Thailand, there's 2376 people injured, and another 30 still missing.......... from the UK sex offenders register.

I read that the only people who are capable of drawing a perfect circle by freehand are mentally deranged. I haven't slept for over a week now for trying to do this, and I still haven't managed it. Oh well, at least I know I'm not a nutter.

A man who scaled the walls of Elizabeth Tower holding a Palestinian flag was eventually brought down with the use of a cherry picker. I'd have thought getting the cunt down with the use of a rifle would have been easier.

In an open letter to Downing Street, Marcus Rashford has asked for free meals for Manchester United.

Hooters are in talks to prepare for bankruptcy. The directors are doing their best to keep abreast of any developments. Nod to Wtd.

Ex Liverpool defender, John Arne Riise, has completed a 24-hour treadmill run, covering 106.8 miles and raising £17,500 for a mental health charity. I hope they allow him to keep the money.

I asked my German neighbours how they were celebrating Holocaust Day. They said they were baking a Kyke.

The new raghead at work got up and walked out, telling the boss he was going home early to read his Koran. I thought, 'fair play to him' I wouldn't have taken him for a heavy metal fan.

Lewis Hamilton has been disqualified from the Chinese Grand Prix. No doubt he will play the race card.