Sickipedia

I hear there's a school in Paris that are looking for a new head teacher.

Coldplay's Chris Martin has fallen through a stage trapdoor during an Australian concert. I can only hope it happened during a rendition of 'Fix You'

I don't believe this fucking country sometimes. This year alone, we've had over 23,000 refugees arrive here in small boats, and we still fuck about experimenting on rats.

A teenage boy from Bristol is believed to be the first person in the UK to go blind due to a poor, junk food diet. That's what he told his mum, anyway.

Jihadi Jack's parents have been found guilty of funding terrorism by sending money to Syria for their son. In their defence they said they refused to believe their son was involved in terrorism. So why the fuck did they name him Jihadi Jack?

It's going to be weird watching this England vs Poland game. What with both teams having the home advantage.

Due to the release of Colin Pitchfork, a vigil will be held tonight in honour of his victims. I shall light four candles.

The IOPC have today stated that black people aged 25 and under are more likely to be tasered by the police. This is purely because black people aged 25 and under are more likely to be breaking the fucking law.

NASA have landed a Rover on Mars after a 300million mile voyage. Fucking Hell, the one I drove in the 90s barely used to make it to Sainsbury's.

I just couldn't resist having a wank into a wok full of stir-fried noodles. Does this make me pansexual?