Sickipedia

Has anyone seen my pet bean? It seems to have done a runner.

I asked my German neighbours how they were celebrating Holocaust Day. They said they were baking a Kyke.

I've just read TikTok has been banned all over America. Is this some sort of wind-up?

Insults are the new downvotes.

I've just tried Meghan Markle's raspberry jam. It just tasted of sour grapes to me.

Well done to the Magpies for winning a trophy. Let's hope they manage to get it back to St James' Park this time. The last one they lifted got robbed by Dick Turpin

According to the news, Jose Mourinho, has just launched his own wine. I thought the gobby cunt did that back in 2004 when he took the Chelsea job.

Am I the only one who can't read the name, Axel Rudakubana, without being reminded of Barry Manilow? They are probably both getting their arses pounded as I'm writing this joke. Nod to Jackmeough.

I could just about handle having one as Prime Minister, and Mayor of London, and Chancellor of the Exchequer, and Home Secretary. But when you get a Paki copper in Wallace & Gromit you know the country has really gone to pot. Happy New Year my fucking arse.

Coldplay's Chris Martin has fallen through a stage trapdoor during an Australian concert. I can only hope it happened during a rendition of 'Fix You'