Sickipedia

This morning the Pakistani bloke next door to me said: I'm a better man than you I said: I said I never said you fucking weren’t, but what makes you think your a better man than me tho? He said: I haven’t got a fucking Paki living next door to me

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying me dad was a tight cunt or anything like that but when we were kids I remember him and me mam talking around this time of year and me mam saying Eee Bob what we gonna get the kids for Christmas and him saying boil them an egg each and tell them is fucking Easter

FFS, I’ve just been to the Metro Centre to buy a new thesaurus and I’ve just got home and opened it only to find all the pages are blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am at the minute

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband I have to confess my darling, before I met you I used to be a hooker. He says That's all right my dear, your past is your past, but I must admit that I do find it quite erotic, tell me about it. She replies, Well before the op my name was Nigel, and I played for the British & Irish Lions

A Scouser goes to a brothel and a prostitute asks him if he wants a blow job? He said, Will it affect me dole money?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying me granny was a greedy auld cow or anything like that but me grandad told me about one night during the war when the air raid siren went off and they were halfway down to the air raid shelter when she said, Eee Arthur, I’ve left me teeth behind and him saying, howay man woman, they’re dropping bombs not pork pies

Rupa Huq saying Kwasi Kwarteng was “superficially" black is a bit like someone claiming Pol Pot “superficially” engineered The Cambodian genocide or that Hitler “superficially” didn’t like the Jews

You’ll never walk again

Well now Klippety is on his way out, we’ll not have to wear sunglasses to watch Match of the Day anymore

More than 120 killed in Indian train crash then eh and that just those on the roof rack !