Sickipedia

Rupa Huq saying Kwasi Kwarteng was “superficially" black is a bit like someone claiming Pol Pot “superficially” engineered The Cambodian genocide or that Hitler “superficially” didn’t like the Jews

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife last night and she asked how many potatoes would I like ? said I Ooh, I’ll just have one please. She said it’s OK, you don’t have to be so polite. Alright, I said, I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that my neighbour is a fat, lazy twat but he is the only bloke in our street who has got a snooze button on his smoke alarm !

Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying my neighbour is a fat bastard or anything like that but he is the only bloke I know who puts his belt on with a boomerang 🪃

I saw the ex wife for the first time in years earlier today and I said to her: It’s funny that we should bump into each other like this, I had a wet dream about you the other night. She replied: Arghh, that’s nice, what happened in it ? I said you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients, I wouldn’t care, but he's actually a really good vet.

I had a wet dream about the ex wife last night, I dreamt she got knocked over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing

Aye, kids these days eh. I remember when we were kids, we were skint, we had nothing. I remember hearing my mam and dad talking around this time of year and her saying, Eee Bob, what we gonna get the lads for Christmas ? They’ve got nothing to wear and nothing to play with. He said, by them a pair of trousers each and cut the pockets out

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks do you have reservations? The bride says yes, I’m a bit nervous about taken it up the arse

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying me dad was a tight cunt or anything like that but when we were kids I remember him and me mam talking around this time of year and me mam saying Eee Bob what we gonna get the kids for Christmas and him saying boil them an egg each and tell them is fucking Easter