Sickipedia

As I walked into the O2 arena, naked, with ejaculate spunking from the erect cock in my hand while shouting: "Expelliarmus!" in front of thousands of pre-teen girls, I realised it wasn't a wand erection event....

Oh the grand old duke of york, he had ten thousand men. 90% are on zero hours contracts and only work from 9 till 10 Only paid bare minimum wage Benefits docked though because they get paid But unemployment's down dont ya know say the stats, and the media won't be swayed

Well, that's May out of the way. Hopefully I can say the same again on the 9th of June.

What's the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog? On a hedgehog the pricks are on the outside. What do a BMW driver and a hedgehog have in common? They're both likely dead in this weather.

Last Christmas, I gave you my arse And the very next day I came out as a gay This year, to save you from tears I'm dead.

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan? Their Brunei Only kidding they squat over a hole in the ground and wipe their arses with their hands

This old man He found fun Fingering children up the bum And police couldn't track the twat Coz they have no dough So this old man is a free pedo

Either I misheard the news or Zimbabwe is currently under control of a military coon.

Stevie Wonder's playing an intimate gig in a little Japanese club. Before he starts he asks for any requests. A little Japanese man at the front jumps up and down shouting "Pray a Jazz Chord! Pray a Jazz Chord!" Impressed by the little man's knowledge of his musical history and prowess, Stevie and the band crack into a 5 minute Jazz extravaganza in F#. As they finish the little man is still jumping up and down shouting "Pray a Jazz Chord! Pray a Jazz Chord!". Perturbed but determined to impress, Stevie leads the band into another 5 minute jam in C minor. As they come to a close the little man shouts again "No! Pray a Jazz Chord!" Pissed off at this point Stevie shouts at the little man telling him if he thinks he can do better to come up an play himself! The little man climbs up on stage and sits at the piano, and as he starts to play he sings: "A jazz chord, to say, I ruuuuv youuuuu"

Mary had a hairy minge She wanted it hair free So she took a razor to her muff And shaved so carefully Halfway through her lamb leapt in And knocked her arm aside She cut her gash so deep and hard That Mary nearly died She ran downstairs to grab the phone And dialled Nine-nine-nine Dripping blood along the floor In a bright red bloody line The medics came and saw Mary Passed out on the floor The lamb was licking mary's minge Of all the blood and gore You'd think the medic would feel sick At the site of such a thing But instead he shagged the little lamb With his throbbing "ding-a-ling" When Mary woke and noticed that The lamb was licking her cunt She just lay back and enjoyed herself The dirty fucking munt' While she lay back groaning hard The medic he did spurt While his hand was up her arse She loved it but it hurt His load went all across her chest It glistened and did gleam It would have been a bit less wrong If Mary was at least sixteen But she got upon her knees she did And grabbed him by the scrote Then took his dirty bloodied cock And rammed it down her throat So we've covered shaving, fisting, cum-whores, Anal, Teen sex, deep throat, beastiality, All these things which regularly occur Every day in reality And Mary was happy, so content It was the best sex she'd ever had As she realised she'd also had incestual sex Because the medic was her dad