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simplesimon

Member since 5 years ago

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simplesimon

4 years ago-TV-Film/Movie-Post Rating : 65

If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.

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65

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Other-Random-Post Rating : 43

Anthropologists tell us Neanderthal men did not walk fully erect. Which makes sense, given what Neanderthal women looked like.

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43

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Jokes With No Home-Random-Post Rating : 36

Common synonyms of unemployed. Writer, blogger, and activist.

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36

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simplesimon

5 years ago-Crime-Paedophilia-Post Rating : 32

I can't wait for the documentary 'to catch a sex offender' on channel 4. The cops have fuck all on me so far

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32

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Other-Random-Post Rating : 31

What's red and orange and would look good on Boris Johnson? Fire.

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31

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Illness and Mortality-Disability-Post Rating : 29

If your palm itches you’re going to get something. If your crotch itches, you’ve already got it.

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29

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Illness and Mortality-Old Age-Post Rating : 27

My grandfather is always going on about how good a pilot he was and keeps saying "he misses flying" So I threw him down the stairs.

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27

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Other-One Liner-Post Rating : 26

I'm afraid of lukewarm substances. They fill me with tepidation.

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Racism-Scousers-Post Rating : 23

I couldn't join Liverpool fc even if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough. Turns out my parents weren't even related.

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23

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simplesimon

4 years ago-Other-Random-Post Rating : 19

I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my asshole and eyeballs... It gives me a shitty outlook on life.

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