Sickipedia

I can't wait for the documentary 'to catch a sex offender' on channel 4. The cops have fuck all on me so far

I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my asshole and eyeballs... It gives me a shitty outlook on life.

If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.

A bra and a booster cable go into a bar. The bartender says to the bra "Get out." "Why?" yells the bra. "Well," says the bartender, "you're off your tits, and your mate looks like he's ready to start something."

I ran over wasp's wife today... She asked me why I didn’t go around her. I said I didn’t think I’d have enough petrol.

What's red and orange and would look good on Boris Johnson? Fire.

Ok for the last time, wasp's wife isn't fat.. She's just well rounded.

Common synonyms of unemployed. Writer, blogger, and activist.

My grandfather is always going on about how good a pilot he was and keeps saying "he misses flying" So I threw him down the stairs.

I'm afraid of lukewarm substances. They fill me with tepidation.