Sickipedia

A lot of people were complaining that there was a woman breastfeeding in public, so I had no choice but to stand up for her. I couldn't get a good view sitting down.

Hindsight is 20/20 Because when I see a nice ass, my vision suddenly becomes perfect.

It's kind of sad when I'm cropped out of every picture that's taken of me, including selfies that I take of myself.

My black mate slipped on some ice the other day and scraped his knee real bad. He sent me a pic of his banged up, bloody knee, so, just to take the piss, I thought of a cute nickname for him. I saw him the next day and said "Whats up Knee Gore?" And he punched me in the face! Lesson learned. Black people are very offended if you joke about their leg injuries.

They say most withdrawals often involve the opposite effects of the high that a drug produces - caffeine withdrawals making people extra drowsy, painkiller withdrawals will cause the user to feel intense pain for no reason, anti-depressant withdrawals make them feel suicidal.. In that case, I'm going to become an alcoholic then quit so I'll have better decision making ability, balance and super sharp vision!

Is Schrodinger REALLY dead?

My most nostalgic job was working at a strip club. So many wonderful mammaries.

Elon Musk paid over 40 Billion dollars to buy twitter. What an idiot, I got mine for free on the App Store!

My work recently upgraded their systems and my manager wants me to be tech support for it. Which I found incredibly odd considering I don't even have an Indian accent.

I got an email saying that there were charges of £550 from my bank account and to give my information to put that money back on my card. My friend said it was a scam. I checked my bank account and had neither outstanding nor pending charges. That means I'll be making a profit of £550! So who's getting scammed now?