Sickipedia

When doing dry January it's important to find ways to replace alcohol in your life. For example, I've replaced drinking with severe boredom, crippling depression and existential dread.

The Vivienne was truly a role model for gay men everywhere. They should all kill themselves too.

Richard Hammond and wife announce split. Last time I fucked a hamster it split too.

Hardcore vegans think all zoos should be closed and the animals returned to their natural habitats. But then where would all the divorced dads take their kids on the weekend? Besides McDonald's that is.

My friend celebrated New Year's Eve in New Orleans. He got smashed.

Statistically, everyone on earth has one testicle.

Eleven Swedes killed in mass shooting, How many millions of pumpkins get massacred on the 31st of October every year and the news never reports it? Talk about racism.

The Prime Minister is pledging a new crackdown on crime. Well I know where he can start, there's a right couple of tea leaves that live next door to each other who are brazenly stealing from pensioners and farmers. Their addresses are 10 and 11 Downing Street.

What do you call a faggot who got molested in a toilet by an 80s pop star as a child? Felt in John. Nod to the unfunny cunt endlessly making incredibly contrived jokes just because the words sound similar, like a 4 year old.

Three teenage girls charged over death of 75 year-old man. I hope they were lezzing out wearing latex and heels and it gave him a heart attack. That's the way I want to go.