Sickipedia

I use three in one oil instead of KY gel when having sex with the wife. It stops the whining noise from her mouth, it stops her minge creaking, and it clears the shit from the rusty starfish.

My wife said, "The women's Euros is on, are you watching it or coming shopping with me. " Sent from my iphone in Asda.

"The right to bear arms is totally worth the price we have to pay for freedom. " Charlie Kirk. "Fucking right on bro. " American members of LGBTQIA.

Marriage is like prison but with less sex.

GOVERNMENT: Now you have plans to raise retirement age to 75, why not lower school leaving age to 10? These chimneys don't sweep themselves you know.

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. I was the third man I married Margaret from Rochdale. I ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and I could see out of my left eye and my arm was healed enough so that I could fix myself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. I still have some difficulty when go for a piss though. Credit to original author.

It's easier to buy a gun in America than it is to log on to Pornhub in the UK.

Donald Trump has ordered a nuclear strike on Oslo after they refused to award him the Nobel Peace Prize.

Anyone got any idea what I should do with this suicide prevention hoodie I was going to give Ricky Hatton for Christmas?

I gave my wife a pair of odour eaters and she was quite offended, "Are you saying my feet smell?" She asked. "Not at all, " I replied, "they're for your knickers."