Sickipedia

People ask me what I'd do if I won the lottery. First thing I'd do is get a penis extension. I think it would really compliment the vagina shaped conservatory in our house.

Everyone talks about white privilege, but black people can say every word in the English language. Plus one.

We got home after a long day with the kids and the wife said, 'can you put the baby down'. Anyway, long story short I found an all night vet who did the job for me. The wife was not happy though

I went to see my girlfriend the other day. Although now that I'm married, technically she's not my girlfriend. She's my mistress.

Food is so expensive these days. You try and find ways around like eating roadkill but then you get all the judgement like people saying “it’s so unhygienic” and “ew, stop that you cannibal”.

At a job interview I was asked to describe myself in three words. I said, 'concise'.

I phoned 999 to say my wife is going into labour. They said, 'Kier Starmer is a prick, but that's not an emergency

I used to have difficulties with premature ejaculation. It's much better now because every time I'm having sex with my girlfriend, I think about my wife

My family think I have OCD so I googled the symptoms. There were a lot. So I organised them in to categories, then catalogued those categories, created a chart of the symptoms that I might have, then counted all the symptoms. Turns out I have severe autism

My dad; what a bad ass. Colon cancer.