Sickipedia

On my way to work I met a girl who was doing the walk of shame. I say that; she had Cerebral palsy.

I stole seven crows yesterday. Got away with murder.

Women can often tell what a man is like in bed by the way that he dances. That goes some way to explain why so many feel they have been raped by me.

My penis is so small that when I was circumcised it looked like someone had performed female genital mutilation.

My ex-partner left me because she didn’t like me using the c word. It wasn’t my fault; I could never remember her mother’s actual name.

It’s coming up to that time of year where I’ll be going to the office Christmas party with an ugly sweater...or girlfriend, as she’s otherwise known.

Worrying that I had contracted the virus, I went to the doctors with symptoms including fever, a cough and muscle pain. Jokes on you coronavirus; I have AIDS

Pick up line - Person 1: Hey, are you a cop? Person 2: No, why? Person 1: Because you just took my breath away.

What do you call it if the mum dies during childbirth? Eternity leave

I remember during the last solar eclipse I was looking up at the sky and everyone around me said, “you’ll go blind if you look at the sun”. I don’t know what it is but I have to masturbate when I look at an eclipse.