Sickipedia

I was on the phone to a young woman today, and on the other end, all I could hear was, ummm, aaah, errr, groaning and slurping and this carried on for four hours. And I'd only got to page three of Rosie Jones' PIP assessment.

I was up in front of the magistrate for shoplifting. "You have been brought before me for the theft of £212.39 pence worth of goods from Tesco. I must make you aware, as the cost of goods stolen is more than £200, the penalty for shoplifting can lead to a sentence of up to seven years" said the magistrate. "£191.47" I replied. "What do you mean?" asked the magistrate. "I've got a Clubcard"

I went to a sex worker and asked; "how much for the pleasure of my company?" "£175" "Great, I'll send the ten guys that work for my firm round tomorrow".

The ultra woke Christmas 2024 Boots advert should be more inclusive. For example, where is the huge queue stuck behind grannies buying haemorrhoids ointment and incontinence pads?

I must say how much I enjoyed watching Ajax v. Maccabi Tel Aviv as a neutral. Watching Jews and Muslims beat the crap out of each other.

Savile over 500 survivors come forward after his death. Al-Fayed, over 400. Like everyone, I want to know how they got away with it. I want to learn from the masters.

I must say I disagree with the ratings that have been given to the Lionesses on the BBC Football website. I agree the centre back was a 7 but aside from a couple of cute ones, the rest were a bunch of munters.

Once the Monkees took the Last Train to Clarksville. Now they take the first boat to Dover.

Events at the Liverpool trophy parade could have been prevented if there had been vigilant policing, security barriers, and they had appointed Ruben Amorim.

Liverpool police issued a statement saying they arrested a white, 53 year old man after events during the trophy parade. "We want to end rumours and speculation this incident was caused by Trent Alexander-Arnold"