Sickipedia

I must say I disagree with the ratings that have been given to the Lionesses on the BBC Football website. I agree the centre back was a 7 but aside from a couple of cute ones, the rest were a bunch of munters.

Once the Monkees took the Last Train to Clarksville. Now they take the first boat to Dover.

Events at the Liverpool trophy parade could have been prevented if there had been vigilant policing, security barriers, and they had appointed Ruben Amorim.

Liverpool police issued a statement saying they arrested a white, 53 year old man after events during the trophy parade. "We want to end rumours and speculation this incident was caused by Trent Alexander-Arnold"

Annie Knight 'hospitalised' after sleeping with 583 men in six hours. I have an update. The 582 men that followed me are going to be hospitalised too.

I don't know why they call Crystal Palace the eagles. Their FA Cup team looked more like illegals.

Keir Starmer says he intends to go "further and faster". Lord Alli says not without more lube.

Oh, to luxuriate in a cocoon of velvety warmth, nestled within the soft embrace of an inviting bed for an entire day—a haven where time slows and worries fade into gentle whispers. Imagine being greeted with a sumptuous feast, a breakfast so divine it feels as though it has been conjured by the hands of culinary angels, each bite a symphony of flavors designed to delight your senses. Picture the tender joy of receiving thoughtfully chosen gifts, tokens of affection that speak to the very essence of your being, each one a reminder of how deeply cherished you are. And oh, the bliss of being enveloped in unending care, attended to with a loving fuss as if the entire world exists solely to ensure your happiness and comfort. It is a day drenched in the sweetest of indulgences, a dreamlike reverie of unparalleled pampering and adoration Happy Illegal Immigrants Day.

I don't know why dwarfs are complaining about losing acting jobs to CGI in the new Snow White film. They were only small roles.

I was on the phone to a young woman today, and on the other end, all I could hear was, ummm, aaah, errr, groaning and slurping and this carried on for four hours. And I'd only got to page three of Rosie Jones' PIP assessment.