Sickipedia

Hypertrichosis is an abnormal amount of hair growth over the body; extensive cases of hypertrichosis have informally been called werewolf syndrome, because the appearance is similar to the werewolf. This awful affliction is ruining the lives of many children across South America. For just £3 a month, we can help them turn their lives around.Please act now. Yours thankfully... Shave The Children.

Womens lonely hearts ads, and what they really mean; Adventurous = Slag Athletic = No tits 30 something = 50 odd Fun = Annoying Wild = Gets pissed easily Beautiful eyes = Face like a robbers dog Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a fucking nutter New age = Smelly with a hairy chuff Headstrong = Argumentative Enjoys pubbing and clubbing = Alcoholic Curvy = Fat cunt Cuddly = Fat cunt Likes eating out = Greedy fat cunt Likes nights in = Lazy fat cunt

THE JOY OF SEX! I fuck her low, I fuck her high, I fuck her wet, I fuck her dry, And when she's dead, And all forgotten, I'll dig her up and fuck her rotten!

Persil have just invented a washing powder so strong that it can remove Staines from Middlesex.

BBC Breaking News...... Pakistan have shot down 2 Indian Fighter planes. In response,India have threatened to bomb the highest populated areas of Pakistan. London,Birmingham,Bradford,Rochdale and Oldham are currently being evacuated....

Element Name: Woman Periodic Chart Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam Atomic Mass: Generally accepted as 110 lbs., but known to vary from 60 to 550 lbs. Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2. Boils with no provocation. 3. Freezes up solid unexpectedly. 4. Melts if given special treatment. 5. Bitter if incorrectly used or ignored. 6. Yields to pressure applied to certain points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones such as diamonds, rubies and sapphires among others. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning or reason. 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol. 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car. 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Very effective cleaning agent. TESTS 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state. 2. Turns green with envy when placed beside a better specimen. 3. Defies proper ageing analysis techniques. HAZARDS 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time although several can be maintained at different locations as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other.

Ryanair is proposing a 'fat tax' for obese customers. I think this is a great idea and I'd do it like this. A bit like the hand luggage size test, have a chair with arms at the check-in that passengers have to sit in. When they get up if the chair is still stuck to their arse they pay the tax. The rest of the queue behind them can all cheer and clap and shout "Pay up, you fat cunt!" making the normally dreary check-in experience a more light-hearted affair.

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." Man's Counter-Quote of the Day: "Women are like a fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a fucking headache."

My Auntie has a son called Steve,who suffers with Tourette's, I don't see them very often but I paid them a visit last Sunday. Steve and I were sitting waiting for my aunty to bring in some tea when all of a sudden he looked at me and said, "open the door, you cunt." I felt a little bit embarrassed and did not reply. He said again, "open the fucking door, you stupid cunt." I began to feel completely awkward and did not have a clue how I should respond, so just pretended I did not hear him say anything. He started getting agitated and piped up, " for fuck sake you useless cunt, open the fucking door." At which point, to my relief, my aunty came into the room and said, "don't worry, dear, he's just trying to tell you a knock-knock joke."

I went on that Blind Date TV show. I asked the girls "What is your favourite cheese?" Number one said "Wensleydale." Number two said "Cheshire." Number three said "Knob." I didn't bother with the other questions.