Sickipedia

I tell you what, if those bastards in Syria dared to drop chemical weapons anywhere near, I'd be foaming at the mouth!!

Sky News: Syrians 'foamed at mouth' after gas attack. I'd be more than a little annoyed if I were them as well..

I saw this attractive black girl in the club and, after a few drinks, I thought I'd attempt to chat her up like a gentleman. "Excuse me", I said, approaching her with a smile. "Just thought I'd come and say hi as you seem nice and quite level-headed". "Thank you for seeing pas my skin colour", she replied surprised, a smile easing across her face. "How can you tell I'm level-headed though?" "You must be", I answered, "walking miles each week, balancing your shopping in a basket on your bonce!"

You can't run in a campsite; you can only 'ran'. Because it's passed tents.

Why did the Australian invent a new stomach exercise? Because he wanted to be ab original.

Don't you hate it when you're out having a meal somewhere nice and you recognise someone you know who's really annoying? So you just get through the meal pretending you haven't seen them and totally ignoring them. Even when the waiter comforts my sobbing wife at the end of our anniversary meal

Dating Sunrise in Jamaica

'Give me all your money, your phone and your jewellery you white piece of shit': What a Jamaican in London says when he's run out of drug and dole money.

There are some really shit Muslim drivers in central London recently...

Following the sacking Mark Sampson as England's women's coach, many players have expressed their thoughts on who their next manager should be. "I personally want to have a female as our next manager" - John Terry, Aston Villa