Sickipedia

I failed a biology test the other day. The question was: What is commonly found in cells? Apparently "black people" wasnt the answer

genghis you walking turd. your jokes are like a decomposed cuttle fish. when are you going to flush yourself down the cess pit.

Why are black peoples palms white? Cuz they were up against the wall when god was spray painting them.

Within three days of death, the enzymes that once digested your food begin to eat you.

My wife has become very insecure in her middle age. “I’m so jealous of you,” she said. “You’re still good looking and full of confidence.” “Don’t be silly,” I replied. “It should be me who is jealous of you.” “Really?” she asked, as her face lit up. “Of course,” I said. “You get to be married to me. I’m stuck with a fat arsed, miserable bitch.”

“Go and have a look at the size of the shit I’ve just done in the bathroom!” I said to my wife. “No thanks,” she replied. “Please, just one quick look,” I said, “You won’t believe it.” She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, “There’s nothing down there, you must’ve flushed it.” I said, “It’s on the scales.”

When I was 14, I wanted a girlfriend. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I wanted a girl with a zest for life. When I was 19, I found a passionate girl, but she was too emotional, so I wanted a girl with some stability. When I was 25, I found a stable girl, but she was too boring, so I wanted a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but she lacked direction and was too petty, so I wanted a girl with some ambition. When I was 31, I found an ambitious girl, but she was so ambitious that she married me, divorced me, and took everything I owned. Now I am 40, and all I want is a girl with big tits

Spider: Why are you terrified by me? Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.

im back dahling.

I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my Speedos was upsetting some of the other swimmers. I pointed out another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave. “Because he hasn’t shat himself,” was the reply.