Sickipedia

jokes on here today are shite, cmon you twats work harder.

cmon twatheads, jokes here today are pigshit. work harder, lazy bastards.

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3 The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called. 4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

"This next song is about subtraction." "Take it away boys."

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Three dead men go to hell at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can't do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hell. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hell. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Satan which hole the fart came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Mexican turns around, points at his butt hole, and says, "Nope, this one."

Bloke is having sex with a prostitute when he starts suckling on her chest. Much to his surprise he gets a warm mouthful. He looks up at her and says "Gee, I would have thought you were too old to give milk!" She says "I am, but I'm not too old to have cancer."

woman goes to the doctor's and she says 'doctor i'm having serious abdominal pains.' Doctor says 'well i'll have to run some tests and i'll see you again on wednesday' Wednesday, woman goes to the doctors, doctor asks her to take a seat... Doctor: well mrs Green i'm afraid your going to have to start buying a lot of nappies in the near future. mrs G: oh i'm not pregnant again am I doctor? DR: no, it's bowel cancer

why is a woman like a fridge? they both drip when they are fucked

Three slags went to a fairground and noticed a sign saying 'shag an elephant for 10 quid'. So the first slag pays her money and sneaks off round the back off one of the marquees with an elephant. Half an hour later she returns looking exhausted but happy and said 'that was amazing, it really hit the spot' second slag pays her money and goes off on the tunnel of love with the elephant, comes back half an hour later saying how good it was and how the elephant had behaved like a perfect gentleman throughout etc.' so the third slag pays her money and goes off somewhere quiet with the elephant. Half an hour later she staggers back with a broken pelvis and looking very much the worse for wear if you'll pardon the expressions. So the first 2 slags ask 'what happened to you? ' the 3rd slag replies 'the bastard tried to finger me!'