Sickipedia

The restaurant chain Hooters is preparing to file for bankruptcy. I know they've always had their knockers, but I never expected them to go tits up.

Had to go and pick up my daughter from the police station earlier and I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. "Jesus Sophie, what are the neighbours going to think?" "Sorry dad." "Sorry isn't going to cut it young lady. What have I said about changing out of your uniform when you finish your shift for fucks sake!"

I always thought it was tradition to throw rice at the newly married couple. I didn't know you were supposed to take it out of the bag first.

Ellen DeGeneres: I moved to the UK because of Trump Funnily enough, I'm moving to the US because of Ellen DeGeneres

I never answer my phone unless I recognise the caller. The supervisor thinks I may not be cut out to man the Samaritans help line.

I didn't believe this girl when she told me she played guitar for a Monkees tribute band. The I saw her bass...

Tottenham midfielder Brennan Johnson has started dating porn star Lily Philips, who until recently held the world record for sleeping with the most blokes in a 24 hour period. One can only imagine the deep sense of shame her parents must have felt when they found out she was dating a Spurs player.

Judge throws out lawsuit over Nirvana’s album art featuring naked baby Oh well... Nevermind

An antisocial swan has been removed from the river Avon. Surprise, surprise... it was a black swan.

I just watched Superman with Henry Cavill. "I'll be honest mate. I preferred your version," I told him.