Sickipedia

I recently went into a betting shop and put £1 on a horse. My horse didn't win, so I went back into the shop to complain. I asked them if I could bet on that race again but the cashier said "No". I think this is disgraceful. Has anyone else had this experience? Would you like to join me in setting up a protest march in London?

Fellow Sickipedians, Remember how to deal with that annoying kid at school? Yep, JUST IGNORE HIM. He'll soon get bored and go away. And remember how to make the problem infinitely worse? Yep, REACT AND SHOW IT'S AFFECTING YOU. If we can't moderate it, let's just IGNORE it. Now, raise your left hand, and repeat after me: "I, (your name), vow to ignore trolls on here. I will take the moral high-ground and not reply to troll quotes, react to vote downs, or copied user names. In the name of Bellendus, God of Sickipedians, grant us strength and deliverance from this pestilence, this day and for all eternity." For the sake of everyone's sanity, vote this up so everyone sees it. Thanks.

Captain Gone.

What do we want? An end to Alzheimer's. When do we want it? Tin of custard please.

Evan Rachel Wood names Marilyn Manson as her abuser. You'd never have suspected it from looking at him.

When baking bread, don't throw it away if you've burned it. Black loaves matter.

That Australian shooter is a complete idiot. He could have made a fortune streaming it pay-per-view.

Mr Potato Head is now just called Potato Head. As a result, Mrs Potato Head now wishes to be known her first name, Jackie.

I got chatting to a Scottish bloke in the pub tonight "Have you heard about that cruise ship stranded off the coast of Sweden?", I said. "Norway!!", he replied. "Honestly", I said, "you can see it on the news now".

A husband and wife were building up to making love. Suddenly the dog interrupted them and ate their condom. Horrified, the husband called the local vet for advice. "I'm sorry to bother you so late," said the man, "but our dog has just eaten a condom. Can you help please?". The vet replies, "Well this is unusual. I think I better come out to see you. Meanwhile, keep the dog still, and make sure it doesn't wag it's tail." The grateful husband gives the vet their address and they end the call. A few minutes later, the vet's telephone rings again. "Hi there, it's the chap from earlier with the dog who swallowed our condom. I'm pleased to say it's a false alarm. We've found another one in the drawer."