Sickipedia

What do Supergrass (real name Gary 'Stocky' Stockman) and Gary Haggarty have in common? They're both gay and up to their balls in shit.

What's blue and fucks old ladies? Hypothermia

My nephew was born without eyelids. The surgeon said 'It's okay we can circumcise him and construct eyelids from the foreskin' Now the poor little fucker's cock eyed.

Everybody's going on about Brexit but it's not East Europeans bombing our buses. Or running people over on bridges. Funny really as semtex is Czech made and Paki's cant drive straight to start with.

I got off with an Essex girl in the car park of the pub. I started fingering her and she said, "Try two fingers" Which i did. "Now try four fingers," Which I did. "Put your whole hand in" I did, thinking 'Fucking hell' "Now the other hand" So I now had both hands up her pussy. "Clap" She said 'I cant' I said "Tight ain't I?"

The prophet Mohamed married and fornicated with a 6 year old girl to "save her". Where was this defence when Gary glitters legal team were desperate?

A catholic priest told me this joke..... A sparrow was flying through the winter sky when his wings froze. He glided down into a field, where he surely would have died, but for a cow taking a huge shit on him, thereby warming him up. He was so happy that he started to sing. A fox, hearing the commotion, scraped the bird from the cowpat and ate him. There are 3 points to this tale. 1st. The person who drops you in the shit, isn't necessarily doing you a bad turn. 2nd. the person getting you pout of the shit isn't necessarily helping you out. 3rd (and most important to remember) When you are in the shit..... KEEP YOUR FUCKING GOB SHUT

What's 16 inches long and fucks prostitutes? Peter Suttcliffe's hammer

It's a little known fact that Mohamed could play very small violins. He was an accomplished kiddy fiddler.

We are all time and space travellers. The earth is travelling through space at 450,000 miles an hour. We are all travelling through time at the rate of one second per second.