Sickipedia

As I walked into the O2 arena, naked, with ejaculate spunking from the erect cock in my hand while shouting: "Expelliarmus!" in front of thousands of pre-teen girls, I realised it wasn't a wand erection event....

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania? To book a rest! ... and probably to fuck some slutty eastern European slag.

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan? Their Brunei Only kidding they squat over a hole in the ground and wipe their arses with their hands

Why does Noddy have a little bell on his hat? Because he's a cunt. That's why.

BREAKING NEWS: Boris Johnson officially gives up after hearing there's two Brazilian variants of the Coronavirus in the UK. Sources close to him in the Tory cabinet said he was unable to comprehend how many "two Brazilian" was...

What do you call a Paki Elvis impersonator? Amal Shookup

Stevie Wonder's playing an intimate gig in a little Japanese club. Before he starts he asks for any requests. A little Japanese man at the front jumps up and down shouting "Pray a Jazz Chord! Pray a Jazz Chord!" Impressed by the little man's knowledge of his musical history and prowess, Stevie and the band crack into a 5 minute Jazz extravaganza in F#. As they finish the little man is still jumping up and down shouting "Pray a Jazz Chord! Pray a Jazz Chord!". Perturbed but determined to impress, Stevie leads the band into another 5 minute jam in C minor. As they come to a close the little man shouts again "No! Pray a Jazz Chord!" Pissed off at this point Stevie shouts at the little man telling him if he thinks he can do better to come up an play himself! The little man climbs up on stage and sits at the piano, and as he starts to play he sings: "A jazz chord, to say, I ruuuuv youuuuu"

COLLEAGUE: Explain to me again the difference between your and you're. I can't remember ME: Your is possessive. As in your phone, your desk, your car. You're, is a contraction of "you are". As in, you're a fucking moron.

Today I learned that Cressida Dick has a girlfriend with the surname Ball. I'm unsure if simple irony, or if inappropriate to make a joke about a gay couple literally BEING the dick and ball....