Sickipedia

What's the difference between the 'Far Right' riots and the multicultural Notting Hill Carnival? No one got murdered in the riots.

I went for a job at Chanel's perfume warehouse. I was scent packing.

Delighted to hear Jeremy Kyle has been exonerated of contributing to Steve Dymond's death and he can go back to being known as a gambling addict with two failed marriages and a cancelled television series behind him. And only one bollock.

The Definition Of Stalking: When you go for a walk in the park with your girlfriend and only you know about it.

Interesting that the the M&S Christmas advert has a black female cast. Whenever I go in the Sevenoaks branch the only black woman I ever see is the one that cleans the floor.

I've been rewatching 80s sci-fi V, about aliens that come to earth in the guise of humans but beneath their masks they're reptilian monsters. Since then I've been having nightmares about Starmer, Rayner, Phillips and Reeves behind Number 10's closed doors, ripping off the whiteface and transforming into a Huddersfield grooming gang.

Multi millionaire Mike Lynch and his daughter lost at sea along with their chef. Fucking super rich, can't even drown without staff.

How do you get a thousand Russians on an airliner? Tell them there's some Jews on it.

As I can only speak English and French (gravement) I thought it was time I became fluent in another language. At the moment I'm learning to shout Nigerian.

I'm not saying I'm a sexual tornado but before the time I filled her full of fuckstick Rosie Jones used to talk like Princess Kate.