Sickipedia

Psychologists tell us that to attract men, women wear lipstick to make their mouths look like a moist vulva. If that was so - why don't they also grow a moustache?

Women are like cooked prawns. Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits are quite yummy!

What do Lewis the rescued koala and Hot Lips Houlihan have in common? Both were fucked by major burns!

New Zealand Shit Stirrers!

Do deaf girls masturbate with one hand so they can moan with the other?

A young lad was riding his bike to the local Catholic school one morning when he was hit by a car. As he appeared to be seriously injured, while they were waiting for the ambulance a passerby who was comforting him asked "Would you like me to get you a priest?" He replied groggily - "How I feel right now - sex is the last thing on my mind!"

During the severe hailstorm in Sydney yesterday hailstones the size of golfballs created havoc throughout the CBD - injuring shoppers, blocking roads and smashing car windscreens. Surely a simple solution would be to make golf balls smaller?

An old fella moves into a well-provisioned retirement village. On the first morning he visits the naturalist area of the large grounds - and comes across a well-endowed woman enjoying the outdoors without clothes. When he could not suppress a significant erection, she asks "Is that an invitation?". She explained to him that in this village an erection is regarded as a unspoken invitation to 'capitalise on the opportunity'. As he did not want to break with any of their traditions - he agreed, and carried out the task enthusiastically. At midday he was enjoying a pre-lunch drink at the retirement village bar - when he inadvertently passed wind. "Is that an invitation?" asked a fellow nearby, who explained that it was recognised in the village as an invitation for anal sex. Unwilling to contravene an accepted local practice - he reluctantly agreed. That afternoon he hurried into the manager's office. "I'm afraid I just don't fit in here," he said. "I have no option but to pack up my belongings and leave. I have an erection only once every few months - but I fart about 30 times a day!"

A troubled father pops around to speak to his neighbour. "I don't like to complain" he says, "but I've just found out that your teenage son has put my daughter in the family way!" The neighbour sighs and sits down with his his head in his hands. "Jeez that boy's becoming an awkward bugger. Last week he broke a rake handle!"

The Prime Minister of India decreed that there should be a huge national marathon – the likes of Boston, London & New York which get so much international publicity. Any resident of their fine country would be entitled to enter. There was huge interest - with six million entries! “That is far too many entries” exclaimed his advisors. “Runners and spectators will be crushed to death in the crowds!” “Then we will restrict this race just to the men of India” decreed the Prime Minister. Entries were called again. Four million men! The advisors called for a further reduction.” “This race will then be just for our admired eunichs” declared the Prime Minister. Half a million entries! “Then we will limit it to the first 500 eunichs to arrive at the start line!” What shall we call this great event Mr Prime Minister?” “I am thinking we shall call this The India Knackerless 500!”