Sickipedia

Psychologists tell us that to attract men, women wear lipstick to make their mouths look like a moist vulva. If that was so - why don't they also grow a moustache?

A young fella pops in to the chemist and asks him for a supply of extra-strong Viagra. Says he's got three luscious girls coming around for the weekend - and knows he'll need to be prepared with significant 'medicinal support'. He reappears on Monday morning and shows the chemist a very battered, raw, blistered penis. "Can I have a large tube of Deep Heat please" he pleads. "Holy Smoke" says the chemist, "you can't put Deep Heat on that!" "It's not for my penis," says the lad, "It's for my wrist!. The girls didn't turn up!"

New Zealand transgender weightlifter Laurel Hubbard was disqualified from her Commonwealth Games event yesterday. Her snatch failed to impress the judges.

Women are like cooked prawns. Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits are quite yummy!

Confusion at the Chinese marathon yesterday when it was discovered that one of the entrants had more than two nuts.

The Prime Minister of India decreed that there should be a huge national marathon – the likes of Boston, London & New York which get so much international publicity. Any resident of their fine country would be entitled to enter. There was huge interest - with six million entries! “That is far too many entries” exclaimed his advisors. “Runners and spectators will be crushed to death in the crowds!” “Then we will restrict this race just to the men of India” decreed the Prime Minister. Entries were called again. Four million men! The advisors called for a further reduction.” “This race will then be just for our admired eunichs” declared the Prime Minister. Half a million entries! “Then we will limit it to the first 500 eunichs to arrive at the start line!” What shall we call this great event Mr Prime Minister?” “I am thinking we shall call this The India Knackerless 500!”

New Zealand Shit Stirrers!

Did you hear about the careless circumcision surgeon? He got the sac!

When I was fourteen my father caught me wanking in the haybarn. He told me "You shouldn't waste your manhood like that, son! You should save it until you're married!" You know, by the time I was married I had a 5 gallon drum full!

Two old fellas were talking about pain and suffering some people encounter during their lives : "Have you ever been in REAL pain?" one asks the other. "Yep," he answers. "I've been in REAL pain twice....... I was tramping through a forest and I needed a crap - so I dropped my trousers to my ankles and crouched in the undergrowth. Right on top of a bloody gin trap!" "Jeez!" exclaimed the other. "You've experienced REAL pain alright! ....... What was the second time?" "When I reached the end of the chain!"