Sickipedia

Spanish Police have raised concerns that Tottenham fans may take flares into the stadium on 21st May for their match against Manchester UTD Because that's what they wore last time they were in a European Final

I met this girl in a pub last night, she goes " I call my fanny "The Lotto" because men are lucky to hit it" I said " Looking at you, I thought its called "The Lotto" because you keep scratching it!

You got to feel sorry for Somalian lesbians, imagine trying to find a clit that has already been cut off!

Did you hear about the Muslim who got caught shagging a sheep? Police couldn't arrest him, apparently it's "Islam"

Everton’s new ground has been named the Hill Dickinson stadium, after attracting sponsorship from a local legal firm. Tickets next season are on a no win, no fee basis.

Last week I was taken to the St Thomas hospital London with a possible concussion after falling against the door in my house. Doctor asked me a series of questions: Do you know where you are? I’m at the St Thomas hospital I replied What town are you in? London I replied. Do you know who I am? Yes your Doctor Hamilton I replied. Doctor said that he was going to go away for a little while and come back. After he left I turned to my friend who had taken me to the hospital and said, I hope he doesn’t ask me any more questions. Why? She asked. I replied. Because all of the answers were on his badge.

I've been charged with assault from New Year's Eve. In my defence, it was nearly midnight and if you were standing next to a Muslim with a rucksack shouting 10, 9, 8, 7, you would have twatted the cunt too!

Racist (/'raest/) noun 1, Someone who wins an argument with a Labour voter

I can see clearly now that Rayners gone!

Woman, 20 in Brazil found dead on bus with 26 iPhones glued to her body! Maybe an Apple a day, doesn't keep the doctor away! You think it's a phoney story Google it, typical women always glued to her phone. Hope someone is charged!