Sickipedia

As I pointed the gun in my wife's face I said, "Any last words?" Three hours later, I shot her.

I've just released my own fragrance. But nobody on this bus seems to like it.

I saw this girl crying in the pub so I went up to her and asked what was wrong. "I split up with my boyfriend because he's a sexist pig." "I'm a great listener if you want to tell me more." I replied. "But you don't even know me," She cried, "why would you want to listen to me?" "Because you have massive tits."

Men. Examine your own prostate by simply wiping your arse with Aldi value toilet roll.

I'll never forget what my Grandfather said just before he died. "Are you still holding that fucking ladder?"

Pornhub have decided to go all festive by adding snow to their homepage. Well I'm assuming it's snow.

I took my son to see Santa today, but as soon as he sat on his knee he started crying. "What's wrong?" I asked. "It's this job mate, I fucking hate it."

My Muslim neighbour did some home improvements yesterday. He moved out.

My porn star friend recently passed away. As a mark of respect we scattered his ashes over his wife's face.

I got chatting to a bird last night and went back to her place. After having sex, she turned to me and said. "I hope you're not one of these guys who's gonna get up and leave in the morning without even an explanation!" "Not me," I replied. "I'm leaving now."