Sickipedia

I looked out of the window last night and saw a group of people gathered around a bloke who came off his motorbike so I frantically rushed over. "Out of the way!" I shouted, as I pushed through the crowd. "Are you a doctor?" One woman screamed "No," I replied. "The cunt was delivering my pizza."

Avoid crying when chopping onions by imagining James Corden on fire.

I was in McDonald's earlier but couldn't decide what to have so in the end I decided just to have a kids meal. His mother was furious and told me to bring it back.

Pornhub have decided to go all festive by adding snow to their homepage. Well I'm assuming it's snow.

I took my son to see Santa today, but as soon as he sat on his knee he started crying. "What's wrong?" I asked. "It's this job mate, I fucking hate it."

With Christmas fast approaching I asked my mother what she wanted. She said. "All I want is a bit of caring and looking after." So I've put her in a nursing home.

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious. She asked me to move out with her.

"You're an angel." I said to my wife, as I shoved the Christmas tree up her arse.

I didn't take it very well when I broke up with my girlfriend so I burned everything that reminded me of her. Like photos, love letters, and her twin sister.

I didn't take it very well when I broke up with my girlfriend so I burned everything that reminded me of her. Like photos, love letters, and her twin sister.