Sickipedia

I'll never forget what my Grandfather said just before he died. "Are you still holding that fucking ladder?"

As I looked out the window I saw a group of people gathered around a man after he came off his motorbike. "Out of the way," I shouted as I pushed through the crowd. "Are you a doctor?" Someone asked me. "No," I replied. "The cunt was delivering my pizza."

I walked up to a girl in the pub and asked her if she liked the strong and quiet type. "As a matter of fact I do." She said. So I let out a fart and walked away.

My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had so I decided to shave one of his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face. My wife went mental when she picked him up to change his nappy.

I didn't take it very well when I broke up with my girlfriend so I burned everything that reminded me of her. Like, photos, love letters, and her twin sister.

My young daughter asked me this morning. "Daddy, what were you and mummy doing last night? I could hear a buzzing noise then mummy started to scream." "Nothing darling," I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.

My porn star friend recently passed away. As a mark of respect we scattered his ashes over his wife's face.

Alcohol and drugs are never the answer. Unless someone asked me. "What are you doing this weekend.

My 12-year old son was pissed off with me because I told him what happened in a film he was watching. I was right though, he did cum on her face.

I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious. She asked me to move out with her.