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oohmatron

Member since 7 years ago

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oohmatron

6 years ago-Other-Shopping-Post Rating : 32

I reckon the cashiers at Aldi are told to imagine every item is a grenade.

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John McCririck‘s gravediggers are hoping the ground will be good to soft.

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oohmatron

6 years ago-Other-Ex Wife-Post Rating : 30

"Lets play Chinese whispers." I said quietly to my wife. "Gag me then stick your cock up my arse first." I thought she'd replied.

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oohmatron

6 years ago-Other-One Liner-Post Rating : 27

I'll be spending most of today in the shade. I'm off to a fancy dress party as a lamp.

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oohmatron

4 years ago-Illness and Mortality-Death-Post Rating : 24

My grandad never liked to talk about all the men he'd killed during WWII. He wasn't the Army's best cook.

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oohmatron

5 years ago-Sex and Shit-Penis-Post Rating : 21

"If you're going out to stretch your legs, do me a favour." My wife said. "Sure, what?" I asked "Stretch your cock too"

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oohmatron

6 years ago-Racism-Chinese-Post Rating : 21

My pen-pal wrote me a letter. "Hello, / am Chinese." "I get it, no need to have put a slanty I " I replied.

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oohmatron

6 years ago-Other-Computers/Technology-Post Rating : 19

When I'm bored I ring random people in India, ask them if they'd like faster broadband then put the phone down mid conversation.

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oohmatron

7 years ago-Sex and Shit-Anal-Post Rating : 19

I'm not sure if my wife's doing yoga or trying to find the best position for shaving her arse.

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oohmatron

6 years ago-Sex and Shit-Ugly-Post Rating : 16

My wife suggested we did some role play to spice our sex life up. "Ok, take your makeup off and I'll pretend I'm fucking my Gran."

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