Sickipedia

We can learn a lot from history. Take today. I was watching Premier League classics on Sky Sports, Liverpool versus Man Utd from 1998 and discovered that Posh Spice takes it up the arse.

It has been proven that Greta Thunberg is making a real difference to climate change, as every time she comes on the TV approximately 1 million people switch it off.

Does anybody know where Bruce Springsteen was born?

Prince Harry has compared growing up in the Royal family to living in a zoo, which ironically is where he met his wife.

How many Sickipedians does it take to change a lightbulb? 842 1 to change the bulb (after all we are not fuckin spastics....for the most part). 129 to critique the technique (most of whom have never changed a fucking lightbulb in their life). 27 loyal servants to say what an amazing job you have done and how brightly the new light shines.. 42 moderators to ensure no offence was caused 35 newbies who wonder what the fuck is going on . 35 oldies who have fucked off because this site aint what it used to be. 35 cunts who said they were fucking off but didn't. A cunt called Jizz who would prefer to sit in the dark and wonder why his mummy didn't love him whilst he sends Facebook requests to single mothers. 200 trolls to keep everything in check and ensure the bulb actually works whilst giving irrelevant feedback just to piss everyone else off. 20 Tommy Robinson fans to stir up some hatred. 20 Corbyn fans to stir up some hatred. A bloke called Funniman to chip in with unfunny comments. (Which he will do now). AND FINALLY 1 Weaverdog who makes sure a modicum of peace breaks out to hold the entire fucking thing together.

What happened to little Alfie Evans was terrible and his parents went through hell. I'm delighted they now have a new son and wish them well. That said, I am a little disturbed that after spending all day at hospital watching little Alfie die a slow and merciless death, they went home and fucked each others brains out.

I don't usually like to blame referee's but he clearly cost Scotland that game today. I thought things were going pretty well for them until he blew that whistle at 2.00pm to start the match.

Boris Johnson has been proved right already. The Irish backstop was fucking useless at Lords.

Finally some good news from The EU. As my stools have been tested to contain a minimum 60% blood they are allowing me to sell them as Black Puddings.

Michael O'Leary has come under international condemnation for charging 178 Ryanair passengers an additional £49 each for an unscheduled sight seeing stop in Belarus.