Sickipedia

I invited my mate Bob round to the house after work today. As I walked through the door my wife started yelling, "I've not done my hair, not done my make up, not done any housework, not done the dishes and I can't be bothered with cooking! What the fuck did you invite him round for?" "'he's thinking of getting married." I replied.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Dave Dave who? Christ grandad, your Alzheimer's is getting bad.

I raped this girl a couple of months back and now I have AIDS. How the fuck does a seven year old get AIDS?

A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his father. "This is Amanda" His dad jumps up and shouts furiously "It's a fuckin' what?!"

Following my daughter's cancer diagnosis, my wife decided to redecorate her bedroom all pink with unicorns to cheer her up. It's going to make my new gym look pretty gay.

I was going to post a joke about poofs. Butt fuck it.

My wife left me for a nigger a couple of months back and I bumped into her and Leroy in Tesco today. "How's the second hand fanny?" I asked Leroy smugly. "After the first 6 inches it's like brand new" the black cunt rhetorted.

I've started getting organised for Christmas. Bought some Obama baubles for the tree to remind me of the good old days when you could hang a black man from a tree.

I like that there's more coverage of women's football on TV these days. Do you know what the highest paid woman in woman's football makes? Sandwiches.

Russian roulette is a great way to have fun. 5 out of 6 people agree.