Sickipedia

I invited my mate Bob round to the house after work today. As I walked through the door my wife started yelling, "I've not done my hair, not done my make up, not done any housework, not done the dishes and I can't be bothered with cooking! What the fuck did you invite him round for?" "'he's thinking of getting married." I replied.

My wife left me for a nigger a couple of months back and I bumped into her and Leroy in Tesco today. "How's the second hand fanny?" I asked Leroy smugly. "After the first 6 inches it's like brand new" the black cunt rhetorted.

A customer approaches the ship assistant and asks, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The assistant replied, "Because this is Argos"

A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his father. "This is Amanda" His dad jumps up and shouts furiously "It's a fuckin' what?!"

Knock Knock. Who's there? Dave Dave who? Christ grandad, your Alzheimer's is getting bad.

Was watching father Ted with my son last night and he asked me if father Ted really molested little boys. "No son, he's not a real priest" I replied.

Following my daughter's cancer diagnosis, my wife decided to redecorate her bedroom all pink with unicorns to cheer her up. It's going to make my new gym look pretty gay.

You can tell a lot about a person just by reading their jokes. For example I can tell innit at the top of the leaderboard is black because all his material is stolen.

Beats me why some sad cunt on here spends time logging into multiple ip's to vote down Hannah's jokes every day. I just come here to check out the jokes I don't really care who's on the leaderboard. Get a life pal.

Lost miner finally escapes from Hanna's pussy