Sickipedia

If god hadn't intended us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.

I've managed to book tickets, hotel and flights for the England - Colombia match and just realised that it's on the same day and time as my wedding. So I was wondering if anyone fancied taking my place. The service is at South Oxford Register Office and the bride's name is Julie.

I phoned my local DIY store to ask how big the queue was. The bloke said "The same size as the B."

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

If the new politically correct TV adverts have taught us anything. It's that some mixed race women are fucking ugly!

Thought for today. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

I've developed a new type of television that automatically mutes the sound everytime the adverts come on. If only there was some way i could let people know about it.

What does a photographer do when he gets a blister on his shutter button finger? Bathe it daily. (Thats one for the teenagers.)

My mate went to a Trump rally and all I got was this bloody T shirt

I watched a football match online yesterday. It was a stream of a South African network, but it was almost exactly like a British station. The only way you could tell the difference was that the adverts had fewer blacks in them.