Sickipedia

If you had a choice of shooting Kier Starmer Or beating Sadiq Khan to death with a hammer. What type of hammer are you using ?

When I was granted my wish to be hung like a black man. I didn't expect the KKK to rock up outside my house with their flaming torches all dressed in head to feet in white robes. Then break down my door and put a noise round my neck.

Lucy Bronze played the whole Euro's with a fractured tibia. That is amazing and reminds me of that time I went to work with man flu !

In honour of Val Kilmer's demise, I decided to have a pokey-bum wank using a Batman toy. Unfortunately the head broke off just as I was getting to the vinegar strokes. Now I've got to search for the hero inside myself

Wouldn't it be ironic when Joni Mitchell dies and she gets to heaven. She is hugely disappointed to find out it's one big giant car park ?

My favourite new sport is playing Necrophilia Roulette. The rules are simple, you visit an intensive care unit and switch off the life support machine of a patient. Then have sex with them and see if you can finish before they flat line.

My Halloween party is approaching and I was wondering what to dress as this year ? A zombie, a clown, a fat nonce, a dictator, a murderer, The damned or an escaped mental patient that loves Jimmy Saville ? I thought sod it I'll go as the bloody lot. So this year I'm going as Kier Starmer.

At 7 P.M ITV stated that 32,000 plus people were reported attending the Lioness's England team triumph in the woman's European Cup final. The figure was double that at 6 P.M. but they had to leave early to make their husbands their dinner and pack lunch for work tomorrow.

I gave Kier Starmer three grand to buy me a reasonable secondhand car. The raging fuckwit came back with a rusty wheelbarrow that was missing a wheel and said I need to give him another £42,000 for it. The twat couldn't get a shag, waiting in line at a Bonnie Blue orgy.

It's been ages since I've woken up with a huge angry erection in the morning. But then again it's nice to out of prison away from my gay cell mate.